I have always believed in love. The kind of which numerous novels, songs, poems and movies have pondered over and longed for. I envy the days of courting filled with whitful flirtatious banter...authentic romance. Did this antiquated style of dating surrender with the quest of equality? Did the demands of women quell the hearts of men?
Love is truly the even playing ground for ALL. Status, past, profession, class, none of this really matters now; Does it? For some the offerings of a secure financial life are of the utmost importance. A blanket, equivalent to monetary proportions justifies a life together regardless if the heart reciprocates. How can a person share a bed...memories with a lobotomized heart?
This notion disturbs me to the point that my bones shake. But. What if we never find love? The kind that stops time, ameliorates whatever ailes, sees only sky and offers a solidity even the ground cannot.
What is to become of these Jane Austens' of the 21st century? Should we acquire insouciant lovers and flaunt them to distract our lonely hearts? Or should we accept what has been given and take power in the freedom and independance?
Life and heart are not always in communication. At many times the conversation of what is DESIRED and what is being EXPERIENCED get lost in translation. Then a woman is left to either stare at her feet or look up to the sky and wonder, " Do I take what is now? Or do I await what COULD be?" How long is too long in waiting for the ethereal promise that is-LOVE?
To a person, mere seconds are a lifetime. To the soul, a lifetime IS mere seconds. Is there shame in faithful patient hope? Hope. The intangible numberless clock. The only star returning your gaze.
I sit here, ruminate, take a sip of spanish red wine, close my eyes and hope on the star I think saw me...
Monday, June 30, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Owning our sexual power or humping for a husband?
So, last night at work two fellow male co-workers started discussing american women. One is from Italy, the other from Mexico. Italian man said, " I don't understand american women. They makes such embarrasments of themselves. They get soooo drunk, and make out with anybody. Why?"
Mexican man replies, "Dude. You gotta stick with European or Latina women. They have respect for themselves."
Italian man shakes his head. " Never have I seen so much ridiculously inappropriate and downright sluttiness. Don't women know they are better than us. They have the power. And when I see them act such ways; I am so disappointed and disgusted."
He looks at me wanting a response, something to clarify the constant oversexualized drunk american girl behavior he sees in every NY bar. What am I to say? I tell him not all women are like that, and that women are HUMAN. They can make mistakes, and maybe he shouldnt be putting women on some 'goddess' podium, where they can do no wrong. He nods in agreement, but continues to ask why american women behave such a way. It completely baffles him. I explain to him that women have a right to be sexual. Men can't be and arent the only ones who get ruled by their 'sex'.
But, this conversation botheres me. I can't lie. I've seen and done plenty of x-rated stuff all liquored up in public. However, in my defense, it's mostly women I do this with. I have fucked a girl in a bathroom, in an elevator and on top of a car....yes; im not kidding. And, they were all different women during completely different times in my life. I've never actually done anything like that with a man. Why? Im not sure. I've only taken a total stranger home once. To clarify; I mean someone I seriously just met that night. Did I feel like a ho? Hell no. I was going thru really bad heartbreak and I absolutely wanted anonymous sex. Somehow, I hoped this unknown man could fuck my pain away. And, did he? Not sure, but I felt more free. Was this because I claimed my sex or because I'm a victim of feminisim and MTV amalgamating? Now, dont get all huffy! I am a feminist. I always believe in the strength and equality of females. But, I believe that many girls have lost their way. Every commercial, music video, magazine screams at us to wear less, look flawless and get a man by any means necessary...because we NEED them. But, what we've forgotten is-They Need Us. We Need Eachother. In claiming our power, we are losing our power. We make it soooooo easy for men. Courting is dead. Now, it's a couple of drinks and a little bit of loving. They don't even have to try.
Some of you are gonna be offended and say I'm generalizing. And, yes, I am. I do know women who aren't like this, and fuck I envy them. I respect them. But, most of you can't deny the pornographic world that is creeping its way into our genders. All, I'm trying to say is...Ladies, make them work for it. There is nothing more sexy than a woman with confidence, self-respect, and mystery. However, if you wanna get yours-Make It Happen! It is your life. But, do it for a reason you feel good about. So, you can wake in the morning and bask in the "just got laid" euphoria without wanting to throw up on yourself.
Mexican man replies, "Dude. You gotta stick with European or Latina women. They have respect for themselves."
Italian man shakes his head. " Never have I seen so much ridiculously inappropriate and downright sluttiness. Don't women know they are better than us. They have the power. And when I see them act such ways; I am so disappointed and disgusted."
He looks at me wanting a response, something to clarify the constant oversexualized drunk american girl behavior he sees in every NY bar. What am I to say? I tell him not all women are like that, and that women are HUMAN. They can make mistakes, and maybe he shouldnt be putting women on some 'goddess' podium, where they can do no wrong. He nods in agreement, but continues to ask why american women behave such a way. It completely baffles him. I explain to him that women have a right to be sexual. Men can't be and arent the only ones who get ruled by their 'sex'.
But, this conversation botheres me. I can't lie. I've seen and done plenty of x-rated stuff all liquored up in public. However, in my defense, it's mostly women I do this with. I have fucked a girl in a bathroom, in an elevator and on top of a car....yes; im not kidding. And, they were all different women during completely different times in my life. I've never actually done anything like that with a man. Why? Im not sure. I've only taken a total stranger home once. To clarify; I mean someone I seriously just met that night. Did I feel like a ho? Hell no. I was going thru really bad heartbreak and I absolutely wanted anonymous sex. Somehow, I hoped this unknown man could fuck my pain away. And, did he? Not sure, but I felt more free. Was this because I claimed my sex or because I'm a victim of feminisim and MTV amalgamating? Now, dont get all huffy! I am a feminist. I always believe in the strength and equality of females. But, I believe that many girls have lost their way. Every commercial, music video, magazine screams at us to wear less, look flawless and get a man by any means necessary...because we NEED them. But, what we've forgotten is-They Need Us. We Need Eachother. In claiming our power, we are losing our power. We make it soooooo easy for men. Courting is dead. Now, it's a couple of drinks and a little bit of loving. They don't even have to try.
Some of you are gonna be offended and say I'm generalizing. And, yes, I am. I do know women who aren't like this, and fuck I envy them. I respect them. But, most of you can't deny the pornographic world that is creeping its way into our genders. All, I'm trying to say is...Ladies, make them work for it. There is nothing more sexy than a woman with confidence, self-respect, and mystery. However, if you wanna get yours-Make It Happen! It is your life. But, do it for a reason you feel good about. So, you can wake in the morning and bask in the "just got laid" euphoria without wanting to throw up on yourself.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
grand street
oh my goodness. i am quite the lucky person. i work and live on the same street in the same barrio. bartending five shifts in four days, in two completely different atmospheres. so many regulars to remember; what they drink, what they do for a living, if they're married, where they live...their disposition.
one thing's for sure-thank god im a talker. people really like/need someone to chat with and vent. and almost always there's something you can connect or bond with them about. it amazes me. and truly...you absolutely canNOT judge people by the way they look. they will surprise you. i actually feel bad if i havent chatted with everyone at the bar. or if im talking to one person too much; im afraid im making the other patrons feel abandoned. hilarious.
Aurora Restaurant: you crazy italian saturated place. holy shit, i love being a part of your world. all my ridiculous bosses and coworkers, who say the most inappropriate and hilarious things constantly. that i leave work with cheek cramps. the food is seductive, authentic and makes you understand why italians are all about the senses.
Redd's Tavern: your visitors are regular people, who work hard and just need a moment to chill and come down from a hard day. all of them friendly, loquacious and sweet. i do my damndest to remember your drink, in hopes that makes you smile. i love watching groups of friends drinking beers, playing skeeball and just having a good time. if only life could always feel like that.
is it grand on grand street...absolutely.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Let thee not be heard
envelop, develop-this amalgamation of emotion.
can you rip open your vocal chords and spill out the words? or would you rather stuff it down, keep it down and release it in subtle passive-aggresive moments of slight?
give a sharp eye, flick that hip of death, cross your arms.
hold that wall built with bricks of anger!
irascible heart made from disappointment.
do you dare ululate?
dont worry; your screams will not be heard. everyone is deafened by self-importance.
so, shatter thyself on the sidewalk of despair and watch the continuous feet of insouciance walk over you.
can you rip open your vocal chords and spill out the words? or would you rather stuff it down, keep it down and release it in subtle passive-aggresive moments of slight?
give a sharp eye, flick that hip of death, cross your arms.
hold that wall built with bricks of anger!
irascible heart made from disappointment.
do you dare ululate?
dont worry; your screams will not be heard. everyone is deafened by self-importance.
so, shatter thyself on the sidewalk of despair and watch the continuous feet of insouciance walk over you.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
What Can I Say?
Dearest friends who have disappeared.
You are the snow storm I've awaited to return. The definition of a word I can't remember, but's on the tip of my tongue.
I remember your walks, smirks, laughs and the way you liked your coffee. I wish I could order you back into my life like a strange contraption from an infomercial.
Loss is something I'm all too familiar with, yet loathe the existence of. How can I interchange the circumstances that have lead us...me...here?
Do you think you spot me on a street corner and wonder what you should do?
If our situation was a "choose your own adventure" book, would you pick a different ending?
Does a loud laugh, an intense stare or too many shots of tequila make you think of me?
Every tear shed is an omen to you, and I dont mind swimming in that.
May the sun hit your eyes, warm your skin and fill you with one moment of us, me, you...
You are the snow storm I've awaited to return. The definition of a word I can't remember, but's on the tip of my tongue.
I remember your walks, smirks, laughs and the way you liked your coffee. I wish I could order you back into my life like a strange contraption from an infomercial.
Loss is something I'm all too familiar with, yet loathe the existence of. How can I interchange the circumstances that have lead us...me...here?
Do you think you spot me on a street corner and wonder what you should do?
If our situation was a "choose your own adventure" book, would you pick a different ending?
Does a loud laugh, an intense stare or too many shots of tequila make you think of me?
Every tear shed is an omen to you, and I dont mind swimming in that.
May the sun hit your eyes, warm your skin and fill you with one moment of us, me, you...
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
For Karina
10 Things you hope you never hear your gyno say
1) Guess you're into that whole "all natural" thing, huh?
2) You do wash, right?
3) Geez, my hand just slips right in there!
4) Woah...what is that?!
5) Can I get some fruit with this cottage cheese?
6) Have you heard of vaginal "lifting"?
7) You sure have something special here.
8) Do you like it when I do this; or how about this?
9) Whoops, sorry. Its my first day.
10) Dont worry. Someone's bound to love you for who you are in the inside.
1) Guess you're into that whole "all natural" thing, huh?
2) You do wash, right?
3) Geez, my hand just slips right in there!
4) Woah...what is that?!
5) Can I get some fruit with this cottage cheese?
6) Have you heard of vaginal "lifting"?
7) You sure have something special here.
8) Do you like it when I do this; or how about this?
9) Whoops, sorry. Its my first day.
10) Dont worry. Someone's bound to love you for who you are in the inside.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
oh alcohol...
you tantalize me. if you were a person i'd most definitely be your fuck buddy. i wish you were as good for me as water, because i'd be the most hydrated person in the world. your insouciance beckons and promises nothing, which is why i love you. do you realize your impact on people? does it make you cringe to watch us all become puddles of cookoo when we've consumed too much of you? would you be a drunk dialer? would you call me? youre a crowd pleaser. damnit, even jesus likes you. and because i'm your number one fan, i'm pretty sure i'll be getting into heaven. wow...youre amazing.
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